Dear Kordite: A Klingon Advise Column

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yuch DaSuqchugh chongaghjaj'a'?

Dear Kordite,
I remember reading once that Klingons have an extra of all vital organs. Does this mean they have two penises.
--- A Curious Orion Chick

Dear Curious,

Don't you wish.
No, Klingons do not have two penises. The system redundancy manifests itself as a second pair of testicles. However, if it's any consolation, the Klingon penis is as ridged and hard as the Klingon forehead. The forehead may just be evolution's way of advertising; "ribbed for her pleasure."
Etymologically, the Klingon verb 'to mate;' ngagh, is very similar to the word for 'rock or stone;' nagh, the one being very much like the other.
This armored phallus is backed up by a warrior's endurance and lust for conquest. It has to be, for the female's genitalia are similarly armored. It takes a substantial amount of violence to stimulate a female Klingon's clitoris, hidden as it is behind subcutaneous plates and powerful muscles. Consequently, bruises, lacerations, rug burn and extensive property damage are common side-effects of Klingon mating.
Warning! Such a coupling should not be undertaken by a non-Klingon without having one's insurance paid up, a black-belt in karate and a trained team of paramedics standing by. Don't be surprised if your romantic dalliance lands you in a body cast.
Remember what curiosity did to the Caitian.
[signed Kordite]
[home] [table of contents] [previous article] [next article] -- Revised: 18 May 2002
Copyright © 1996, 2002 Kevin A. Geiselman

P.S. If you're ever in my sector, feel free to stop by. I'm curious to know if there really is a location that Orions aren't just a little bit green. Comparative anatomy purely in the interests of science, of course.